I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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