two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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