every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
