Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
