im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
