there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
