Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
