Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
