I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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