I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
