omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can't turn off my feet"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
