No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
