Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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