i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
