i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
