I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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