My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
