Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize