Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize