Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
