I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize