She is in my trunk
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
