I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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