you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
