my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
