It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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