how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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