$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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