it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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