So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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