It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
