i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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