Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Someone came in the potted fern
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
