I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Every concussion has its silver lining
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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