Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
