someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
