I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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