We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
