she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
