Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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