ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
