I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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