Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
