You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
