did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
