Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
