we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
