Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
