Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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