You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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