Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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