yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
