Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
