Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
