if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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