just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
