Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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