she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
