Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
