Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
