How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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