I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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