i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
