Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ugly people sure do ruin things
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
