Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
