Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
