you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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