I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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