Screwed.edu
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
