and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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