I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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